LAUREN'S LIFE: When Life Changes Forever - Again
Four years later, my hardship is still a blessing; but obstacles remain
As my four-year anniversary is approaching to the day "My Life Part II" actually started, I can't help but feel that my life really never went back to where it was.
Not even close.
I still consider what I went through — an operation to remove a benign brain tumor — a blessing because it did make me understand that life really cannot be planned out too much. We must enjoy each day simply, because we really never know how long each of us will be here.
The problem is, however, that there are still some mountains that have been placed in my path over the last few years.
Especially this past year. And hey, I have said many times I am not looking for pity of any kind. Zero. Zip. Zilch. I know I am a strong healthy woman. People have been through much tougher situations than mine.
But it's during my most difficult times, then and still now, that some people I need the most just weren't there then, and aren't here now.
Hence, the mountains remain in my way.
During my beginning recovery period, I was on a certain anti-seizure medication for about a year. Believe me — as anyone who takes any of these must know — it is not an easy process to figure out which one is best for you. They all have similar crummy side effects that may show up right away or may build up over time and cause issues.
It was during this time that I was told I was not very pleasant. And that is putting it nicely. Through some research, however, I found that brain surgery alone can cause all kinds of changes (it's here on this site: www.ehow.com/about_6611199_personality-following-brain-tumor-surgery.html).
Combine that with medication that has negative side effects and we have a really rough situation.
So I understand that I wasn't easy to be around all the time. I have been told I was not acting like myself. But, again, I feel I must stick up for myself and all the other brain tumor/brain surgery surviors.
We did not choose this.
So when we are in our deepest time of need that is ABSOLUTELY when we need our loved one most.
Thankfully I had some. But not all. This is not the experience I chose, but I just dealt with it the best that I could.
For instance: In order to continue driving my three children around, I needed to take this challenging anti-seizure medicine. The other choice, how I see it, was to give up and not take the medicine, and stay home on disability and risk having seizures at any time because my tumor, an astrocytoma, was NOT completely removed.
So, as I vent my story as sort of an update, what I also want to say is how incredibly grateful I am for my friends and family that have been there for me. They do not judge me or criticize me for the choices I have made. They know I live my life by how I feel because, to me, that is what is correct for me and my girls.
I believe we are guided by how we feel. Life is too short to live by judgments or rules made long ago for people who choose to settle for unhappiness.
So, as I am climbing one of these figurative mountains, I want to say thank you to all my loving friends and family for the tons of love, support and especially the laughter! Love you all.
Hopefully, by this time next year, there will be only a beautiful rainbow ahead of me.